If you really want your own patch of grass you may have to sow the seeds.
The irony of my last piece as it meets my current situations I'm tending to months later is astounding. I know bloggers are typically wanting to write all the time, having an opinion and story for everything going on in their world, but at the rate I've been living it's been hard to sit and write even when I have time. When my body stops moving, my head still seems to spin. I'm saying this in the most positive way possible, as my hands keep collecting blessings the more I've let go of everything I no longer need to carry. This theme is carrying me into the new year as I have my 10 year Kansas City anniversary while I plan for my departure from the Midwest for more sun and greater travel. That's not a knock on Kansas City either - it's just that my growth here is ready to go and take bloom.
I returned from Kenya just 2 months ago, literally on the other side of the world, and a whole other world as we know it here stateside. I can't see anything the same. I'm not gonna use this piece to breakdown the journey, as I'll have an official #pinkflamingotour piece coming next month.
I will say, however, that it changed my life, health, and heart just as I suspected it would. Let me say very loudly, that Kenya also gained me 20 pounds! I feel completely alive again.
For years I've always told people that I haven't changed, that I'm still the same person. True, I completely haven't forgotten where I came from, I'm still humble and love to laugh. My hustle is still strong and I still dream big. It's in living these dreams that I have found in myself a different person. A lot of this evolution has occurred just since the birth of the #spikedtea blog 2 years ago next month.
This blog was intended to tie together the rhyme and reason behind the photography, film, poetry, music, and art I had been doing for 8 years at the time. Sure, the blog is doing that, however the tone and topic for narration I first saw myself doing here has flipped.
I don't want to use my platform to talk about America's newest debate. The race, the parenthood, the men vs. the women vs. the LGBTQ, the president and politics, the gentrification and destruction of history, and so on
and so forth. I have hearty outlooks on most hot topics, but what fruit will my opinion bear? As I think of this, I'm back to September's piece, thinking of what battles am I choosing and the ego it all serves. What I wanna do... continue letting go, continue creating and engaging life in the most authentic ways possible. In ways that bear fruit. The #spikedtea of it all is just that.. While I can sit back in my reclining desk chair and diagnose the world, I'm better off to tend to my own dispositions, treating myself and those still close to me near or far. Above all, we're responsible for our self.
Earlier this year I spent the first bit of weeks stewing on our current societal scenarios of constant offense, sensitivity and misunderstanding. It's as if being offended in America is the new claim to power over your life. In essence, it's a bubble people are reinforcing around themselves to pretend that the world is only what they want it to be. Like offense is a claim to innocence in a world where we've all fallen short and been the wrong one at some point. I was gonna write about it.. then as life would have it, life occurred.
Even if the world built fences all over, I'd find my own way of jumping over them, going under, or around. I'd leave behind everything I had to leave in order to carry myself to the other side. They say the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but sometimes it is. Sometimes you've watered your current grass so long that you'd rather go contribute some time and attention to other patches.
In one year's time I've found my dad and last name, I've decided to leave the city that grew the garden that is my art, I visited Memphis for the first time, my son decided he's mad at me and we're not speaking, I was offered a promotion at work but turned it down because of my plans to move south, had a cocktail in Dubai, crossed the North Pole, and I healed my sick body in Kenya while touring half of the country. It all feels like a dream, but this is real life.
Sometimes it's time to sit and soak. Sometimes it's time to grow. Anytime is a good time to let go. Just think of what life may place into your hands next.